Consumer protection - how to avoid sandwich anxiety, coffee confusion and a coke overdose



I’ve stared to feel intimidated when I order a coffee or a sandwich in the United States. Let me share a recent example from a well known coffee franchise in Chicago. It went something like this.

Me: “Could I have a coffee please?”

Lady:  “What size would you like? Tall, grande or venti?”

Me: ( Already on the back foot)  “The smallest one please.”

Lady: “OK tall. And what blend would you like, blonde, medium or bold?”

Me: ( Now on the defensive) “I don’t know.”

Lady: “What blend would you like sir, blonde, medium or bold?”

Me: “Blonde.” (I am anything but bold).


I have chosen a tall blonde - one of nine possible options available to me in terms of brewed coffee. Then we move to milk - five more options. Whole milk, two per cent, skim, half and half, or black. We start to reach the limits of my mathematical ability here but on a back of the envelope calculation the possible combinations of cup, coffee and milk (or no milk) come to about 57 choices. And this is just a tiny fraction of the menu - I’ve gone nowhere near frappucinos,  pumpkin spice lattes or the salted caramel mocha.


Things get more complicated when I order a sandwich. I went to a busy place in New York, with a long but fast-moving line. The girls in front of me were incredibly deft with their orders in the face of an enormous menu. 

One:  “I want a pastrami sandwich on wheat, with low-fat ranch and extra pickles please.”  

The next: “Can I have a tuna on rye with low-fat mayonnaise to go”

Then my turn.

Man: “Sir...sir can I help you?”

Me: “I’ll take the soup.”


I had become pretty convinced that I had the problem with the choices, that I was somehow too unsophisticated or too intellectually lazy to make what should be an easy decision. But two recent events have convinced me that we’re all silently struggling with this overload of options. One was watching a colleague try to order a burrito in Los Angeles. Here’s how I remember it:


Man: “What kind of tortilla would you like?

Colleague: “What kind do you have?”

Man: “ Spinach, cayenne pepper, wheat or flour.”

Colleague: “Oh...”

Man: “What kind of tortilla would you like sir.”

Colleague: “I don’t know. Could you choose please.”


The other was an encounter with a coke “freestyle” machine in Atlanta. 

This bad-boy urges you to “drink something different” and then gives you 106 distinct flavors to choose from. Here’s how it works.


There’s a big touch-screen with 22 circles on it. Each circle represents a drink - Fanta, Sprite, Pibb (whatever that is), Dasani (whatever that is), Coke Zero, Powerade Zero etcetera. 

Touch one of these drink circles and you get eight more options on the screen - using Sprite as an example, you would get Sprite, Sprite orange, Sprite cherry, Sprite vanilla, Sprite strawberry, Sprite raspberry, Sprite grape, Sprite peach. It’s basically the same deal with all the drinks on the main screen.


I went back to the machine three times before I finally selected a Fanta lime. It urned out to be a poor choice. So I mixed in some Sprite grape. That made things worse.


I spoke to the lady at the counter about it and the perils of so many choices. She offered only this. “Some people just freeze”.


I read a big article about Barack Obama in this month’s Vanity Fair. He wears only blue and grey suits and is trying to cut the small decisions out of his life - he mentioned research that suggested the act of making one decision degrades your ability to make further decisions. He obviously wants to use his decision points on the “big decisions”.


Now we’re not all Barack Obama, but surely we’ve got more important things to think about than new ways mix coca-cola and grape juice or the exact fat level of the splash of milk we have in our coffee.


Let’s make life more simple and reduce the inane choices. Maybe then we’d have more time to think about important things.





what about soy milk?

 love it. i suppose the deal is to promote individual choices in a realm swapped with non-individual chain restaurants. but it is freaking me out as well. 


Another can of worms

 Is that plain soy milk or vanilla soy milk? Or perhaps you would like rice milk? What about almond milk? And would you like GMO or non-GMO soy? A lite-soymilk? Or would you prefer Bonsoy?

we make too much stuff and people are trying to tell us that we need too much stuff. We don't need it all.

So true

I can very much emote to that. I remember buying my first Subway sandwich in Helsinki, being asked what kind of bread I want etc. I thought: why do I have to make all the choises if you're the one called Sandwich Artist?


You didn't even touch on the cereal selections in a large-chain grocery store.  This is the land of CHOICES.  I empathize with you, David.  By way of concentrated practice over a period of years, I have learned to order Subway brand sandwiches in a kind of "know-it-all" manner:  "I'll have a six-inch, turkey [or tuna] sandwich on honey-oat bread, no cheese, not toasted, with SPINACH INSTEAD OF LETTUCE and every else EXCEPT jalepenos, plus chipoltle sauce and honey mustard."  I can now blast that out faster than any "sandwich artist" can ask me a single question.  And accordingly, I don't have to re-enact the "deer in the headlights" routine that you experienced--and so aptly recounted.